day 2

So instead of a good night's sleep and getting up early, I lay awake until almost 5 and then drifted off for a bit in time to wake up, go to work and feel lousy all day.

i cried at lunchtime and a lovely friend of mine had to come find me and comfort me.

She told me I should think positive things.

Someone else said a similar thing yesterday and it sounds like really good advice. But I don't think it's good enough.

I think that 'positive thinking' is about trying to persuade yourself to blinker yourself to the crap. And that's not enough. The way forward has to be to see the crap, and own up to it and say that it is there.

And to cry if needs be.

But to somehow see that God is there and is real and no pile of crap however big can hide that.